お礼と思い  Contemplation and Gratitude

- 初の個展を終わって - After the first exhibition

　　作陶展「蒼x層」には、たくさんの方に来ていただき、ありがとうございました。２０−３０年もお会いしていなかった方にもお会いすることができました。互いの健在を確かめ合うことができ、皆様の活動ぶりに励まされました。多くの人に巡り会い支えられてきたことに、思いを致しました。今も懐かしさとうれしさでいっぱいです。

  I thank all of you very much, for visiting my first individual exhibition. It delighted me very much for seeing you all, especially those of you whom I was not able to see for more than 20 years. It was encouraging to learn that many of you are active in your own fields too. I realized how much I had been supported by many of you in one way or another. I am always filled with happiness and gratitude whenever I reflect on receiving your visits and talking to you during the exhibition.

　　一方で先生達から「もっと精緻に」「作り込んで」と厳しいお言葉を頂戴いたしました。「僕らは（同僚の人たちのように）“こんなことをしているのか”という驚きではなく、（陶芸作品を通して）“どう自己表現しているのか”を見るから」「今年、来年、再来年と、どう表現を深めていくのか、そこが問われる」と言われました。その厳しさに“どうしよう”と当惑しています。

  On the other hand, I came to realize that I need to do more to improve myself in the future. I was awaken to the fact that it was not the shapes and the complexity of my works that impressed the viewers, it was the way I expressed myself in them. From talking to many of you, I learned that I needed to elaborate and to deepen my expressions in the future. At the moment, while I feel grateful in having the fortune of being encouraged by your discerning viewings, I am not undisturbed by the great challenge behind your expectations.

　　さて陶芸を始めたのは４０代でした。２０年経ち６０代になりました。芸術による自己表現者に憧れた１０代後半。父母は戦後に多くの寡婦の苦労を見聞きし、私には手に職をつけるようにと厳しく、２０代は仕事の習得に追われ、出産して母となって仕事を継続できるのかどうか迷いました。３０代は産むなら３人と頑張ったものの、夜勤、当直、休日当番、夜中の呼び出しと忙しさに潰れそうでした。同僚には負担を代わっていただき、負担をさせ、迷惑をかけてしまいました。家族が寄り添ってくれ、同僚の援助で何とかすぎていきました。４０代になり同僚を含め女性の悩みが共通することに気づき、悩んで普通だと思えました。そこから仕事も家族の二つを追う自分を認めることができるようになりました。祖母や母の相次ぐ死を経験し「今でなければいつ機会がくるのか？」と土と遊び始め、仕事も家庭も陶芸も追い続けて、今日に至りました。

  As I started pottery in my 40’s and 20 years have since passed and I am in my 60’s. In my teens, I dreamed to become an artist who can express herself, although my parents never approved of such dreams. Probably it is because they saw many pains of living in women who lost their husbands and families in the war. They expected me to stand on my own feet. I followed their instruction, and I was busy in studying and serving my apprenticeship in my 20’s and 30’s. Although my parents and colleagues helped us a lot, still we were very busy in working and rearing three boys day and night. 

  I came to realize that it was not only me but many colleagues and other women had the same worries of life. I thought it was useless to worry about, but it would be far better to accept the worries of life. I was able to accept myself as a woman, a mother and a wife. After I accepted myself, my grandmother and my mother passed away one after another. I told myself that the to leave would come sooner or later, and that therefore there was no time to worry. I decided to do what I like to do. I chose pottery, joined the pottery class, and I have been playing clay since then. 

　　今回の個展をするかどうか、非常に迷いました。「個展はプロのすること」で、生半可な気持ちでやっては失礼にあたると思い避けてきました。昨年プラニスホールでの展示（あそぶ・ひねる・やく〜北の陶の新時代）に推薦していただいたことは、一つの転機でした。プロの方々の展示の中に、自分の作品を混ぜていいのかという疑問に「プロアマは関係ないよ」「個展をやったら」というお言葉を、先生達からいただきました。

  I was afraid of having my own exhibition, because I thought I might violate artists. It was a turning point to change my mind that I was proposed to show my works at the exhibition “JR Tower Art Planets 2017, play, compose and fire, new era in northern pottery, at Planis hall in Sapporo station building”. At the opening party, I asked professional artists whether I was violating their sanctuary. They kindly encouraged me to join in and to have my own exhibitions.

　　個展にあたり、自分のこれまでの作品を、初めて振り返りました。

「海に生きる」シリーズ（生まれ、生殖し、繁殖し、うごめいている）、

「幾何学図形」シリーズ（荒ぶるものを囲い込む、型にはめる、抱きかかえる、鎮める）、

そして思春期青年期を過ごした原点「広島」シリーズ（１４歳時に広島原爆で殺された叔父や、今も白血病前状態の貧血で苦しむ被爆者の叔母、１４歳の叔父を探し回った祖父、社者たちの骨肉は灰となり土となり、そして今も存在する核兵器への恐怖、市内を流れる７本の川とそこを流れた死者達を食べたカニ達やアサリ貝達）。

　　これら３つのシリーズは、“生（動）”と“静”と、“死（破壊）”という主題に対応するのではないかと考えています。これまでの作品を振り返ると、それらに対峙して思いを表現できているのか？という疑問が湧き、「もっと精緻に」「作り込んで」という助言が胸に響いてきます。

  After I decided to have the exhibition myself, I reviewed my works for 20 years. Main themes are:

“Life in the sea” series, which treat “be born, reproduction, fertility and squirm”

“Geometric structure” series, which treat “enclosing wildness, shaping, embracing and calming”

and “Hiroshima” series, which in my starting point, and where grew up “my uncle was killed by the bomb at 14 years of age, the second aunt suffered from pre-leukemic state for more than 10 years, seven rivers irrigating the city, crabs and shells were nourished by the hundreds of the dead floated and decayed in the rivers, and I am afraid of the existence of more than thousand of nuclear weapons on earth”

  These 3 themes each correspond to “life (dynamics)” , “peace (stillness)” and “death (destruction)” respectively. When I review my works again, I doubt whether they were able to express what I meant. Here again, the words “elaborate more” from the teachers and the mentor echo in me.

　　今回の個展では私にとって気持ちへの侵襲性の少ない幾何図形シリーズを選びました。まだまだ技術も表現も未熟であると振り返っています。もうすこし表現させてもらいたいと思い、来年の個展開催を決めました。次回は”海に生きる“シリーズの予定です。どれだけできるかわかりませんが、仕事も家族も大事にしつつ、作品に思いを込めていこうと思っています。

　　最後に、見に来てくださったことが大きな応援になりました。これまでおおらかに見守って下さった先生達、一緒に作陶する仲間にも感謝しています。今後とも応援よろしくお願い申し上げます。

  I chose to exhibit the works from the geometric series, which I felt less invasive and guarding myself. I reflect now those works were still very crude. I decided to prepare the next exhibition with my best endeavor. The theme of the next will be “life in the sea”. Until the opening day, I will do my best on every duty.

   Thank you very much for visiting me at the exhibition. Your visits encouraged me a lot. I would like to say many thanks to the colleagues in my pottery class and the teachers who are always generous and broad minded. Please support me hereafter as well.

• この文章をしたためた後、６日未明にひどい地震に襲われました。どなたもご無事でしょうか？幸い私も家族も変わりなく過ごしています。また来年も元気でお会いすることができますように！！
• I am wondering whether everybody is safe and well, after the big earthquake at dawn on the 6th of September. I wrote this letter last night. We, I and the families are all right and living as usual. I wish all of you are well and being able to see you all next year. 

２０１８年９月６日  6th of September, 2018　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

                                 福山　桂子　Keiko Fukuyama